Dedicated to Ah Bee, 1985 - 2022. Disclaimer: Brought to you by My Legacy. This is a contributor piece and we're thankful for the opportunity to share her story.
I went through the similar exact emotional phases when I lost my mother to cancer. She had become very weak, couldn't speak and I badly wanted to know what I could do for her. I wasn't sure if the hospital staff treated her well in the ICU in her last 2 days. We were allowed to see her only for 10 mins early morning and evening. It was rainy and cold weather outside the ICU too, but when I entered the ICU ward on her last day, it was chilling frozen like a mortuary already. My mother was on the bed with only a light gown on her body that was detached at the back. She wanted to turn her body and as I helped her turn, I was shocked to find the back part of the gown separately lying on the bed after she turned. I covered her back with the back portion of the gown while even myself with my normal dress couldn't bear the chilling cold of the AC. The nurses were all wearing very thick clothing with socks and shoes to cover their body entirely. My throat already felt swollen with extreme grief about finally having to face the reality that my mother was truly leaving us behind, and all my energy had already drained. Still I pulled my voice to tell the nurse to set the AC better.
Until this day my thoughts are filled dreading about how she may have suffered the entire night in the cold temperature with just a layer of split open clothing on her body. I knew she didn't like the cold or the AC. It still haunts me and leaves my nights with regrets because I left her with some uncaring strangers in those last 2 days, after taking care of her until that time. Last days are the most important days and I did a mistake of leaving her without the ability to express, with strangers in the ICU who were just people on their job without true empathy. It makes me feel I have not been enough and I failed my ability to help her as her daughter when she needed the most, and I'm still unable to forgive myself.
I went through the similar exact emotional phases when I lost my mother to cancer. She had become very weak, couldn't speak and I badly wanted to know what I could do for her. I wasn't sure if the hospital staff treated her well in the ICU in her last 2 days. We were allowed to see her only for 10 mins early morning and evening. It was rainy and cold weather outside the ICU too, but when I entered the ICU ward on her last day, it was chilling frozen like a mortuary already. My mother was on the bed with only a light gown on her body that was detached at the back. She wanted to turn her body and as I helped her turn, I was shocked to find the back part of the gown separately lying on the bed after she turned. I covered her back with the back portion of the gown while even myself with my normal dress couldn't bear the chilling cold of the AC. The nurses were all wearing very thick clothing with socks and shoes to cover their body entirely. My throat already felt swollen with extreme grief about finally having to face the reality that my mother was truly leaving us behind, and all my energy had already drained. Still I pulled my voice to tell the nurse to set the AC better.
Until this day my thoughts are filled dreading about how she may have suffered the entire night in the cold temperature with just a layer of split open clothing on her body. I knew she didn't like the cold or the AC. It still haunts me and leaves my nights with regrets because I left her with some uncaring strangers in those last 2 days, after taking care of her until that time. Last days are the most important days and I did a mistake of leaving her without the ability to express, with strangers in the ICU who were just people on their job without true empathy. It makes me feel I have not been enough and I failed my ability to help her as her daughter when she needed the most, and I'm still unable to forgive myself.